How To Be On The Same Page
We lose sight of what matters because we get distracted by life, exhausted by work, we miss to listen to each other.
Do you experience at times in your life disconnected communication with your loved ones? It feels like you don’t understand each other anymore.
We can easily feel disconnected when we focus mostly on us and therefore have limited listening ability. It doesn’t make us bad people only human beings.
Being on the same frequency at all times require works and constant reality checks on both parts.
To be on the same page it is necessary for each party to fulfill the following basic individual needs:
1- be aligned with ones core values
2- honor those values
3- live in truth (not the Truth)
4- listen actively and intuitively
Preparing the soil
Most likely, you think you have been doing this and tried to reconnect with your loved one whether a child, a spouse or a friend… Prior to try to reconnect with one other, it is important to reconnect with ourselves.
Let take an example to communicate properly via phone ones needs to ensure both receiving and emitting phones works properly, then that each headset has enough battery to hold the conversation and to ensure this happens, choose the appropriate charger for the phone in hand.
When you are not on the same frequency it means you have probably tried to charge an iPhone with a Samsung cable. It quite does not fit. No wonder communication is not happening.
In this preparation work it is important to evaluate your core values and to ensure you are aligned with them. Chances are that it is the cause of the disconnect.
Indeed, when mis-aligned, we create unconsciously dissonance with everything and everyone around us. Think about an instrument in a band, one violin not well adjusted can ruin a 100 musicians orchestra
When you are having an argument or feel disconnected, take a moment to reflect on which value you are compromising or not honoring?
If you have no idea what your core values contact us. Don’t be shy, most of us live without living by our values because we don’t ever ask ourselves this question.
Fertilizing the ground
Now that you have reconnected with yourself, it can be wise to clarify with your loved one if they have reconnected with themselves. What has been their biggest challenge and what value has not been honored for them in the past conversations?
It is important to acknowledge and validate your interlocutor so you can both move pass the problem and head towards restoring the line so you can be on the same frequency again.
Being in the same frequency does not mean to in agreement, only that a true dialogue can happen.
In order to pant the seed of change, you have to set your intention by asking yourself the following question: what being on the same page mean for me, for us? How will that impact my life and the life of those around me? What opportunities do I want to create?
Planting the seed of change
It is time to engage in the process and to reset the conversation with courage, authenticity and compassion.
It means to engage in a loving exchange where each of the parties can safely express how they feel. Be careful of the language you use. We tend to point fingers and hold others responsible for how we feel, when we are the one in charge of the interpretation and reaction to what someone is saying. Non-violent communication can be a great resource to assist you own your emotions and how you feel.
This conversation must be held in a zone where there is no expectations to win or lose an argument. A difficult task when, we have been operating from a space of only one can win.
Remember, what matters is to meet somewhere or to continue to grow the gap between the two of you.
I recently experienced myself this challenge in one of my personal relationships. At first, I wanted to be right and realized that it was not the most important for me in this relationship. Losing the relationship would have been for me to be right and this outcome was far from what I ever wanted.
So I listened patiently and the other party did the same, and the gap became narrower and narrower where we could finally meet again on what has always been important for both of us in the relationship.
Watering the plant
At this stage, we have the responsibility to continue to nurture compassionate conversation to sustain and recreate the habits of communicate with each other.
One conversation only will not allow us to reach the durability of the connection we are looking for.
Set a daily 5 to 10 minutes time to talk to each other. Half of the time one is simply listening its partner and then reverse roles. You don’t have to have an opinion or engage in a formal conversation at first, I would suggest you get used to listen to each other first and then when comfortable with the pace and the feeling, you can choose to expand on those 5 to 10 minutes.
Pruning the leaves
Time to do a reality check, to see how both of you are doing. Evaluate what works for you and what does not. You feel you are going back to your old habits, start the process over again and explore what is challenging you and what are your triggers to disconnect again.
5 Keys to Restoring Communication After a Disconnect
Many of us lose sight of what matters because we get distracted by life and work. We distance ourselves from the people we loved the most without even noticing it. Do you experience the disconnection, the miscommunication with your loved one? It feels like you don’t understand each other anymore, even if you’ve known each other for decades.
We can easily feel disconnected when we focus mostly on us. Being on the same frequency at all times requires work and constant reality checks on both parts. This is where it gets tricky because we create patterns of communication that sometimes distance us from the people we love. To be on the same page, it’s necessary for each party to fulfill the following basic individual needs.
Align Core Values
Each time you are communicating with your loved one, ensure of that you are aligned with their core values, not only yours. We have a tendency to forget that even if we love each other, we might sometimes have core values that are totally different.
We want to ensure that when we have communications with the people we love on important decisions that we are taking into consideration their core values as much as our own.
We have to learn to listen actively. I’ve noticed lately that I haven’t been as active to listen to my own partner because we know each other so well. I am making assumptions. I interpret things he tells me before he’s telling them, it’s what creates tension between people. This is where it’s important for us to notice and be engaged in effective communication with our partners.
My process of planting the seeds of change requires us to prepare the soil. Most likely, you think you’ve been listening. But, prior to reconnecting with someone, it is important to reconnect with ourselves. For example, take communicating properly by phone. We need to ensure that both receiving and emitting phones work properly. This is exactly what we need to do in order to actively listen. Before trying to communicate we want to make sure that the communication framework is set. Sometimes you need to reset this framework with the people you love because like I said earlier, we make habits, we know people. We think we can understand and interpret what people will say based on past behavior and this is how we create sometimes more disconnection that we need.
Find the Same Frequency
When two people are trying to communicate, ensuring they have the same level of energy and the same level of understanding of what the communication will be is important. When you are not on the same frequency, it means you have probably tried to charge an Iphone with a Samsung cable. It doesn’t fit. No wonder communication is not happening.
So when you want to communicate with somebody you love, make sure they are available for this conversation. Don’t make assumptions that they are ready just because you are.
Reconnect with Your Values
It’s important to evaluate your core values and ensure that you are alright with them. It’s one thing to say you are honest if you are not practicing honesty with yourself and with others. Does that resonate with you? Chances are that this is the main cause of the disconnect.
Indeed, when misaligned, we are unconsciously dishonest with everything and everyone around us. Think about an instrument in a band. One violin that was misadjusted can ruin an orchestra. This is exactly the same principle when you are having an argument or feel disconnected.
When you are having an argument or feel disconnected, take a moment to reflect on which value you are compromising. If you have no idea what your core values are, you need to check out our website. Don’t be shy, most of us live without living by our values because we don’t even ask ourselves these questions anymore.
Uncover their Core Values
What have been their biggest challenges? What value has not been honored for them in past conversations? It is so important to acknowledge this so you can both move past the problem and head toward restoring the frequency.
Being on the same frequency doesn’t mean being in agreement all the time. In order to plant the seeds of change, you have to set your intention by asking yourself the following question. What does being on the same page mean to me? What does being on the same page mean to us? How will that impact my life and the life of those around me? What opportunities do I want or do we want to create by establishing a communication that it’s on the same frequency?
Now, you are ready to plant the seeds of change. It is time to engage in the process and reset the conversation with courage, authenticity and compassion. Please feel free to reach out if you have any questions or desire any support.