How To Be On The Same Page
We lose sight of what matters because we get distracted by life, exhausted by work, we miss to listen to each other.
Do you experience at times in your life disconnected communication with your loved ones? It feels like you don’t understand each other anymore.
We can easily feel disconnected when we focus mostly on us and therefore have limited listening ability. It doesn’t make us bad people only human beings.
Being on the same frequency at all times require works and constant reality checks on both parts.
To be on the same page it is necessary for each party to fulfill the following basic individual needs:
1- be aligned with ones core values
2- honor those values
3- live in truth (not the Truth)
4- listen actively and intuitively
Preparing the soil
Most likely, you think you have been doing this and tried to reconnect with your loved one whether a child, a spouse or a friend… Prior to try to reconnect with one other, it is important to reconnect with ourselves.
Let take an example to communicate properly via phone ones needs to ensure both receiving and emitting phones works properly, then that each headset has enough battery to hold the conversation and to ensure this happens, choose the appropriate charger for the phone in hand.
When you are not on the same frequency it means you have probably tried to charge an iPhone with a Samsung cable. It quite does not fit. No wonder communication is not happening.
In this preparation work it is important to evaluate your core values and to ensure you are aligned with them. Chances are that it is the cause of the disconnect.
Indeed, when mis-aligned, we create unconsciously dissonance with everything and everyone around us. Think about an instrument in a band, one violin not well adjusted can ruin a 100 musicians orchestra
When you are having an argument or feel disconnected, take a moment to reflect on which value you are compromising or not honoring?
If you have no idea what your core values contact us. Don’t be shy, most of us live without living by our values because we don’t ever ask ourselves this question.
Fertilizing the ground
Now that you have reconnected with yourself, it can be wise to clarify with your loved one if they have reconnected with themselves. What has been their biggest challenge and what value has not been honored for them in the past conversations?
It is important to acknowledge and validate your interlocutor so you can both move pass the problem and head towards restoring the line so you can be on the same frequency again.
Being in the same frequency does not mean to in agreement, only that a true dialogue can happen.
In order to pant the seed of change, you have to set your intention by asking yourself the following question: what being on the same page mean for me, for us? How will that impact my life and the life of those around me? What opportunities do I want to create?
Planting the seed of change
It is time to engage in the process and to reset the conversation with courage, authenticity and compassion.
It means to engage in a loving exchange where each of the parties can safely express how they feel. Be careful of the language you use. We tend to point fingers and hold others responsible for how we feel, when we are the one in charge of the interpretation and reaction to what someone is saying. Non-violent communication can be a great resource to assist you own your emotions and how you feel.
This conversation must be held in a zone where there is no expectations to win or lose an argument. A difficult task when, we have been operating from a space of only one can win.
Remember, what matters is to meet somewhere or to continue to grow the gap between the two of you.
I recently experienced myself this challenge in one of my personal relationships. At first, I wanted to be right and realized that it was not the most important for me in this relationship. Losing the relationship would have been for me to be right and this outcome was far from what I ever wanted.
So I listened patiently and the other party did the same, and the gap became narrower and narrower where we could finally meet again on what has always been important for both of us in the relationship.
Watering the plant
At this stage, we have the responsibility to continue to nurture compassionate conversation to sustain and recreate the habits of communicate with each other.
One conversation only will not allow us to reach the durability of the connection we are looking for.
Set a daily 5 to 10 minutes time to talk to each other. Half of the time one is simply listening its partner and then reverse roles. You don’t have to have an opinion or engage in a formal conversation at first, I would suggest you get used to listen to each other first and then when comfortable with the pace and the feeling, you can choose to expand on those 5 to 10 minutes.
Pruning the leaves
Time to do a reality check, to see how both of you are doing. Evaluate what works for you and what does not. You feel you are going back to your old habits, start the process over again and explore what is challenging you and what are your triggers to disconnect again.