How to stop blaming myself

Ep. 002 Blame Game Is Over

How To Quit Playing The Blame GameWelcome back to PTSOC. Today we will tackle one of the biggest problem, energy drainer and stress factor in America the Blame Game.
iPEC report shows that 80% of people are at level 1 or 2 energy which mean that most of the thoughts, emotions and actions are related to one of the following circumstances:

  1. Victim mode: at the effect of others
  2. Anger mode: fighting against others or oneself

Both paradigms lead to blame someone or ourselves for what happens or do not happen in our lives. The energy we expel at those levels is called catabolic energy and can be defined as contracting and draining energy.

When you play the Blame Game you disempower yourself and others and choose to create a problem out of a challenge instead of an opportunity. Problem and opportunity are the two faces of the same coins. Why did we choose in our modern society to make our lives harder by unconsciously electing to be a victim of our circumstances and/ or others? What lead us to collectively accept to make excuses for our failures and our unhappiness by blaming others or our circumstances?

There are two main reasons:

  1. our lack of self awareness
  2. when we become aware, the courage to take responsibility for our own destiny.

In order to assist you grow out of this mindset, in this episode we will first prepare the soil and explore what the common signs of the Blame Game are.

Then we will redefine what challenges are and how looking at them for what they are will enable you to make the best of it.

Each challenge we encounter in life or at work is an opportunity to confront our biggest fear, strengthen our character, learn new skills. When I am working with my clients, it’s obvious at first that they have no clue about their own behavior and many believe they are not players of this Blame Game and well aware if who they are. This is what human beings do, they think they are what they think they are. The truth is, human beings are who they are. A couple questions further in our session and my clients realize, ashamed, that they exhibited the behavior and even enable it in others. The Blame Game, like Pokemon Go became viral in the early 20th.

Some have also been playing the Blame Game with themselves which is even more disempowering.

Preparing the soil

First of all there is nothing to be ashamed of here, as we want you to leave this episode empowered. The first step, preparing the soil, is truly about creating awareness.
Time to identify if you or someone in your entourage has exhibited the behavior.

If you have ever used any of the following, you have been playing the Blame Game.

  • I have not the career I want because ….
  • I am not in a relationship because …..
  • My children are ungrateful because …..
  • My company has no consideration for me or others….
  • I would have done it if ….
  • I did not get my promotion because of….
  • I have no money because of ….

Life happens and all have created so many excuses from those events. The truth is, that your mindset create your experience of life. The more aware, the more in charge you will feel. Awareness require some work, and not the one you offer to your employer, a more complex one that supports us to reach our fullest potential: courage.

From.a place of ownership and responsibility, we make choices and not excuses anymore. Does it mean we live in Lalaland, of course not!!
Let’s explore the steps to get to this place of choices where the Blame Game is over.

Fertilizing the ground

Now that you have acknowledged your participation in this scheme, how do you play smart and get out of your own way and meet a tribe of truly successful people?

Practice observation and notice the Blame Game at work around you.
*How much do you contribute to feed the beast?
*What are the keywords and patterns you notice ?
*Who in your entourage is contributing to nurture the pattern?
*Which percentage of the people you spend the most time with are Blamers?
*How does impact your energy, your happiness and your success?

By observing and journaling, you will create more and more awareness, the same way you see the brand new car you acquired at every stop light, you will now have your eyes wide opened on blame. New neuropaths will be created, you will become more alert so you can now choose how you want to response to any challenge: either creating a problem or an opportunity. We are not there yet, do not rush into this process, each step has its value and follows a sequence to anchor sustainably new behavior and mindset shift.

Planting the seed

Enable your brain to upgrade its thoughts and belief system. Like a computer, the brain will resist at first and bug at times until the upgraded belief system has finished and reboot your hardware. It might take a few days or weeks to happen depends on how well the thoughts have been engrained.
We prepared the soil, we fertilize the ground to ensure our seeds would grow.

Now it is time to plant those seeds if change.

We will use visualization to assist you planting this seed. For this exercise, it is best to be in front of a piece of paper with a pen and with your eyes closed. I know many of you might be driving, so if you do not have the material and no way to get out of traffic at this time, wait to be at your destination to replay this part. The exercise will last 3 to 4 min only.
All set? Ok. I would like you to take a deep breath and to softly close your eyes. Now imagine you are in the most beautiful place in the world. Experience the peaceful sounds around you, the sweet smell, the exquisite landscape. You are walking on a flowered path and while walking can see further ahead people gathered along a river. Those people looks happy, confident and they are smiling at you, welcoming you with their support. Now one of the person of the group is looking at you with love and ask you the following intriguing question:

*What would change if we quit blaming ourselves and others?

Open your eyes and without thinking take 2 minutes to write down your answer. Do not worry about wanting to have your thoughts to make sense. Simply focus on the raw download.

Go back to this beautiful and safe place and answer to the person in the most loving way you can.

The person smiles at you and look into your eyes.

*If blame did not exist, what else would we do?

*What would be a loving way of breaking the pattern when you notice it in yourself.

Finding Blame is Draining You: Find Out How to Quit the Blame Game For Good

The blame game is one of the biggest problems draining our energy. Reports show that 80% of us are experiencing life at level one or level two energy where most thoughts are related to victim mode or anger mode.

We always blame someone else when we’re in victim mode. We feel that the environment, our job, and relationships aren’t doing well, but we aren’t the ones to blame. In anger mode, we’re fighting against others or ourselves about our value. We just want to win all the time. The energy we expel in these modes is called catabolic energy which is defined as draining.

There are two main reasons why we get in these modes: lack of self-awareness and lack of courage to take responsibility.

Confronting the Society of Blame

Every day we encounter challenges. We have situations where we feel conflict is inevitable. When you play the blame game, you dis-empower yourself and create problems from challenges rather than creating opportunities. Confronting this will help you strengthen your character, learn new skills, and become a more loving and productive person.

As humans, we think we are what we think we are. In reality, we are who we are and not who we think we are.

Years ago, we agreed as a society that it would be easier to live our lives if we didn’t have to actually challenge ourselves. Looking into the mirror and realizing that we might have hurt someone isn’t an easy thing to do. We put shame on top of the emotion that we don’t want to share.

Some of us have been playing the blame game with ourselves, which is even more disempowering. We blame ourselves for things that happened in the past and never get over it. There is nothing to be ashamed of here. We all experience this, including me.

Several years ago, I decided to quit the blame game for good because it was so draining. When I decided to hire my first coach in 2005, I was ready to do something about it. Now, I want to help you realize how much more you can get out of life by quitting the blame game.

Create Awareness Around Blame

The first step to end the blame game is to create awareness. Identify if you or someone in your entourage has exhibited blame behavior. Most of the time, we’ll be able to assess this in others more than ourselves.

These phrases are common signs of the blame game. Read on to see if they sound familiar.

“I don’t have the career I want because of xyz.”

“I’m not in a relationship because…I’m not good enough or pretty enough or those guys aren’t up to my standards.”

“My children are not grateful because…”

“My company has no consideration for me or others.”

“I didn’t get my promotion because my boss doesn’t like me.”

“I have no money because I couldn’t go to college.”

Life happens and our minds create our experience of life. The more aware you are, the more in charge you’ll feel.

Have Courage to Quit

Courage is what will help you break out of blame and reach your potential.

If I’d blamed people my entire life, I would still be living in a really nasty neighborhood in France, I never would’ve gotten a degree, and I never would’ve become an executive. Yes, I was born in a low-income family with a single mom and five siblings. Yes, life was hard, but it never felt that way. I worked hard, did what I needed to do, and went to school. In high school, I was told that it might be better for me not to pursue any college. I did it anyway. At age 20, I led 80 people for a large global corporation. It led me to incredible heights. If I had blamed the circumstances of my life, I would still be like many other people I’ve known in the same place sitting on the same block.

The more aware you are, the more in charge of your life you’ll feel. From a place of ownership and responsibility we make choices, not excuses.

Notice Blame in Your Environment

Once you’ve acknowledged your participation in the blame game, how do you get out of your own way? An important step is to notice the blame game at work around you.

Ask yourself, how much do you contribute to others playing the blame game? Who in your entourage is nurturing a blame pattern? I wouldn’t be surprised if most of the people you spend time with are blamers. If the people surrounding you are blamers, their energy will be draining. When you stay in this environment too long, you’ll feel like a victim too.

I challenge you to take note of who surrounds you. You don’t need to cut off all your relationships. Simply become aware of it and what impact it has on your energy. By observing and journaling, you’ll create more and more awareness in your life.

Soon, you will become more alert so you can choose how you want to respond to challenges. The choice will be yours. The blame game is over.

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